Rapid Fire Stupidity

Sometimes you don’t need 500 words to give bad advice.

How do I tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me?
Kathy: Scan him with a black light.
Geoff: make sure you actually have a boyfriend, then consult a Ouija board.
Chris: Does he always want to be the banker in Monopoly? He’s cheating.

I think my uncle steals my laundry from my mom, what should I do?

When my mom comes into my room to get my laundry my uncle distracts her and then runs off with my laundry. This has happened like twice before and now I don’t know if I should expect my mom to do my laundry or my uncle to do my laundry. Help!

Lauren

Geoff:

The easy answer here is that you should probably just do your own laundry, which will not only cut your weird uncle out of the picture, it will also establish your independence from your mom. The Your Stupid Advice team doesn’t want to let a simple answer get in the way of a great answer though, so let’s dive into this.

How do I tell my boyfriend I want a break?

Can I just text him we need to talk & tell him to meet me somewhere then what do I tell him?

Chris:

Well, I’m happy to tell you that you have come to the right place for advice. I have had this news broken to me in just about every conceivable way so far (the most inventive being the conveying of the message through the use of semaphore flags whilst being serenaded by a Mariachi Band. It is impossible to be depressed when there is a Mariachi Band playing. Try it sometime. Seriously. You’d be surprised how easy it is to find a Mariachi Band on Craigslist. Just be careful in your ad. That is a scenario that can take a dangerous and erotic turn quite quickly.)

How do you start a shoes off in the house rule?

Do you allow shoes in your house? I am moving into a new house with very light colored carpeting and want to keep it clean. I have never lived in a house that has a rule to remove shoes at the door and want to know how to start. What do you do with guests and friends?

Chris:

You have asked an excellent question, my friend, and since I have about three minutes of deep thought to put into this answer before my dinner is finished reheating in the microwave, I am here to help!

My son got sprayed by a skunk and the stink won’t go away help!?

How do I get rid of the smell!?!

Chris:

It is true…the defensive glandular release of the skunk is a mighty force to be reckoned with. Of course, the absolute easiest way to deal with the smell is to just write the kid off. Cut your losses. You didn’t include your age and measurements in the question submission (we really should insist upon this in the future) but I can only assume that you are at a point in your life where you are still capable of creating a suitable replacement. A replacement that doesn’t smell awful. However, I suppose I can understand if you have developed some sort of attachment to this walking bag of potential organ replacements. This being the case…you have some options.You can