Monthly Archives: March 2012

I think my uncle steals my laundry from my mom, what should I do?

When my mom comes into my room to get my laundry my uncle distracts her and then runs off with my laundry. This has happened like twice before and now I don’t know if I should expect my mom to do my laundry or my uncle to do my laundry. Help!

Lauren

Geoff:

The easy answer here is that you should probably just do your own laundry, which will not only cut your weird uncle out of the picture, it will also establish your independence from your mom. The Your Stupid Advice team doesn’t want to let a simple answer get in the way of a great answer though, so let’s dive into this. Continue reading

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How do I tell my boyfriend I want a break?

Can I just text him we need to talk & tell him to meet me somewhere then what do I tell him?

Chris:

Well, I’m happy to tell you that you have come to the right place for advice. I have had this news broken to me in just about every conceivable way so far (the most inventive being the conveying of the message through the use of semaphore flags whilst being serenaded by a Mariachi Band. It is impossible to be depressed when there is a Mariachi Band playing. Try it sometime. Seriously. You’d be surprised how easy it is to find a Mariachi Band on Craigslist. Just be careful in your ad. That is a scenario that can take a dangerous and erotic turn quite quickly.) Continue reading


Any advice on how to deal with dating a guy who emits weird odors? I’m asking for a friend.

Any advice on how to deal with dating a guy who emits weird odors? I’m asking for a friend.
-Christy Schultz

Geoff:

Dating is already tricky without having such an obvious, deterring thing like bad smells to deal with. It’s good that your friend had the courage to come out in the open and ask you privately to come ask us publicly about this issue. Yes, dating a guy who emits a weird odor can be really tricky to deal with, but always remember, relationships are about finding your way around these things.

All that said, there are only a few conditions that would make a guy smell in a way that can be described as “weird” and would warrant the word “emits.”

Yes, the reality is that your friend is dating a dead guy.

At first, this might seem a little bit of a turn off but I assure you that there are some serious advantages to dating a dead guy. Let’s explore the fun you can have with a corpse.

First, There are the obvious sexual ramifications that come from rigormortis. This stiffening of certain body parts can achieve in a mere few hours what it took roughly 10,000 years of medicine to come up with… and you don’t have to pay for the Viagra. A less obvious benefit is all the money you’ll save by not having to buy birth control anymore. Also, with a proper bungee/pulley system you can pull off any position in the Kama Sutra. Wear a helmet though, safety first.

Also, you will never find a better listener than a corpse. Using the same pulley system as above, he will always have a hug to give. If you need him to lend an ear, he can do that… literally, if that’s your thing. With a little manipulation using rubber bands, you can make any facial expression you need. Need a soft smile? Put a rubber band around his ears and under his chin. Need some empathy? Put two fish hooks in opposite sides of his mouth, feed the strings under his clothes and tie them to his toes really tight to pull his mouth down and make him frown with you.

Finally, the biggest advantage is that your relationship will only last two weeks, which, of course, is the average time for the putrefaction process of a dead body to become out of hand. Since you need to move on every two weeks, it spares you the emotional rollercoaster of a normal relationship. Also, this opens you up to experiencing all kinds of different types of relationships… and, bonus, you’ll never have to worry about introducing your boyfriend to your parents.

Which is good because one thing a corpse sucks at is conversation.

No need to thank me!