I think my uncle steals my laundry from my mom, what should I do?

When my mom comes into my room to get my laundry my uncle distracts her and then runs off with my laundry. This has happened like twice before and now I don’t know if I should expect my mom to do my laundry or my uncle to do my laundry. Help!

Lauren

Geoff:

The easy answer here is that you should probably just do your own laundry, which will not only cut your weird uncle out of the picture, it will also establish your independence from your mom. The Your Stupid Advice team doesn’t want to let a simple answer get in the way of a great answer though, so let’s dive into this.

This issue can be broken down into some component parts that you and I can solve individually instead of taking this on as a whole. The first issue is obviously your mom coming into your room. The second is how easily she’s distracted. The third is your strange, dirty-laundry obsessed uncle. Finally, we have to address your laundry expectations.

If you are over the age of 5, there’s no reason your mom should be coming into your room unless it’s on fire. Or you’re on fire. Or the cat is on fire in your room. What I’m saying is that there has to be fire for her to come in. Other than that, the law clearly states that the room is your possession and no one is allowed to trespass without written consent. Simply remind her that you can legally shoot her and that should take care of that problem.

I am concerned as to how easily your uncle distracts her. Either he’s amazingly smooth or she’s amazingly open to suggestion. Since your uncle dabbles in the fine art of soiled clothing, I’m going to assume he’s not smooth. Underwear peddlers aren’t known for taste and tact. That means your mom has a real attention problem. Ritalin is a stimulant that would help her, but it’s a prescription drug and can be hard to get. Instead, just crush up some meth every morning and put it in her OJ. Again, problem solved.

Your uncle is a whole different story. You need to find out what he’s doing with the laundry. It’s one thing if he’s dressing in drag and going to bondage clubs in your dirty clothes, but it’s another to find out he’s peddling them on eBay to perverts. Clearly, since it’s your body funk that’s boosting the revenue on those items, you should be getting a significant cut of the profit. Find out what he is doing, let him know and if he’s making money take a cut. If not, just lure him into your room and shoot him.

Finally, Ie started this answer where I’m going to end it. If you are old enough to submit a question to the Your Stupid Advice team you’re old enough to do your own laundry. Try to ignore your pervy uncle and your (now) meth-head mom and just do it yourself.

Or you could just sell it on eBay, up to you. I might even buy some myself!

No need to thank me!