Monthly Archives: December 2011

What are some good questions to ask my boyfriend?

We have nothing to talk about.

Kathy:

You are so smart to be asking this question. And the fact that you are already asking questions means what I am about to advise you to do will be very easy for you.

My advice to you is to ask your boyfriend a lot of questions. Guys don’t like to talk a lot, especially about themselves and all the amazing things they do all day and how awesome they are in general. This is why you have to do a lot of the talking. But you don’t want to sound self-absorbed, so you need to fill the silences with questions. Questions make you sound like you’re interested in him, you’re intelligent and you’re curious. These are great qualities to emulate. So start asking.

Following are questions guys love to be asked. These inquiries will certainly get conversations half started with your boyfriend. You, of course, will not let him actually finish a reply to any of these questions because if you don’t interrupt him and ask more questions, he will think you are bored or too stupid to understand what he’s saying.

1. Do I look fat?
They love this question. You can even get creative and construct variances by being specific about why you might get fat. For this reason, this question will never get old.

2. How do you like my haircut?
This is an especially important question if he has failed to mention your haircut. He probably thinks you’re self-conscious about it, so he’s waiting for you to bring it up so he can shower you with compliments.

3. Where is this relationship going?
This is another great question. Relationship conversations always make guys feel like you are very into them and this type of question makes you seem very wise and mature. Don’t interrupt too soon with this one. He needs to have time to really think about it so he can feel like he’s being as wise and mature as you are.

4. Am I a good kisser?
This question shows him that you want to be the best you can be around him and that you are interested in pleasing him. Extra bonus points can be awarded if he’s creative enough to come up with comparison examples for you.

5. Am I prettier than your last girlfriend?
This is the perfect way to show him you are interested in his ENTIRE life. You know that his past makes him who he is and that means you want to hear all about it.

6. Do you like my sister?
You should give him a chance to show his interest in you by talking about how he feels about members of your family. Families and significant others should get along, so it’s important to find out how much he likes your sister.

7. If I said it was ok, would you make out with another girl? If so, whom?
These kinds of “what if” questions give him a chance to really exercise his critical thinking skills and show off his colorful brain feathers to you. Plus, questions like these give you a chance to form your imaginary life together and bring you closer.

8. What do you think about while you masturbate?
Another question which reveals your high level of maturity and intense interest in your boyfriend and his well-being. Besides, he wants to tell you about this and is just waiting for a sign from you that you want to hear it. And you may get a chance to give him some ideas and be a part of something that is very important to him.

This is just the tip of the question iceberg, but you get the idea. Keep ‘em coming fast and furious and you’ll have that boyfriend wrapped around your finger in no time.

And, remember, the fun thing about boyfriend questions is that there are always wrong answers. This makes Q&A time a super fun game to play again and again.

All the best!

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How do I keep my neck beard from getting irritated? -Jason Lawhorn

Geoff-

About 10 years ago I met the woman of my dreams and promptly did everything I could to annoy her until she wanted to leave me. Fortunately, this woman had the rare combination of incredible good looks and amazing patience so instead of leaving, she married me.

Needless to say, I’ve had 10 years of experience on how to irritate and, like any martial art, I simultaneously learned how NOT to irritate as well. I’m sure there’s an ancient Chinese yin and yang proverb that would fit here but I don’t have time to Google it and no one gets those anyway. One hand clapping? Whatever.

Anyway, here are some suggestions on how to not irritate your neck beard.

1)Do the dishes. When your neck beard comes home from work and sees that ever-growing mountain of dishes piling precariously in the sink and spilling out to the counters on either side, it  gets stressed out. Add to it the Thai food from last week and the Italian take-out you just had to have that’s rotting at dish layer six creating a plume of noxious gas and it’s almost grounds to leave you.

2)Take your beard for a walk. There’s nothing a beard craves more than the fresh open air of the great wild. Beards were sprouted in the mid-1800s as Lewis and Clark started modern civilization by creating the hot air balloon and flying it to Russia to start the first power plant. The reason that first beard grew out of Clark’s chin was that it needed to feel free and adventurous. Remind your beard of where it came from. While you are out on your walk make sure you hide behind bushes, roll on the grass ninja style and throw things to make your beard feel more beardly.

3)Avoid drum circles, knitted hats, Tom’s shoes and any other object that fits into the hipster lifestyle. As stated above, the beard was invented with flannel shirts, wood axes and an impossibly long day’s work in mind. If your beard even has a hint that it’s being mocked it will retreat back into your face and irritate your skin.

4)Never get it wet (unless you’re going to shave it off) and never, NEVER feed it after midnight.

5)Your beard doesn’t care about Foursquare, checking in or what you had for dinner. Stop trying to make it understand and just do it while your beard is in the restroom.

These are obviously just some ideas on how to stop irritating your neck beard. Remember, it’s a sensitive piece of manquipment and can be put off pretty easily. Show a little respect and mutual admiration and I’m sure you’ll see a change in attitude!

No need to thank me!