My son got sprayed by a skunk and the stink won’t go away help!?

How do I get rid of the smell!?!

Chris:

It is true…the defensive glandular release of the skunk is a mighty force to be reckoned with. Of course, the absolute easiest way to deal with the smell is to just write the kid off. Cut your losses. You didn’t include your age and measurements in the question submission (we really should insist upon this in the future) but I can only assume that you are at a point in your life where you are still capable of creating a suitable replacement. A replacement that doesn’t smell awful. However, I suppose I can understand if you have developed some sort of attachment to this walking bag of potential organ replacements. This being the case…you have some options.You can probably get rid of the smell. When you get down to it, the smell is just created by a series of enzymes soaking into the skin and enzymes can be broken down. The trouble with this is that this probably takes way more effort than is necessary. I don’t know really.

Ah...the refreshing smell of whatever the hell that smell is....

I prefer to keep my research to a bare minimum, as I’m a busy guy and this porn isn’t going to surf itself. My solution? Car air fresheners.Everybody loves new car smell, right? The smell is something that reaches into your brain and activates all sorts of happy pleasure centres. As they are fairly inexpensive objects, for about $50 you can buy enough to cover every inch of exposed skin on your child, as well as have plenty left over with which to stuff pockets. What you want here is extreme saturation. The car fresheners won’t get rid of the skunk smell…but they might succeed in overpowering it.  There are no guarantees in life. Unless you are George Foreman of course. When that man says “I guarantee it”, well…you can sleep easy at night. Unless, of course, he has guaranteed that he is going to kill you in your sleep. In that case, you are a dead man walking and it is time to ensure your affairs are in order.

He will destroy you and everything you love.

Where were we?

Oh yeah…skunks.

So, yeah…the air fresheners might not be enough to keep that pungent skunk musk under control. This is when you employ what I call ‘Plan B’ (I wanted to call it the A-Team, but it seems that name has been copyrighted). Get a few skunks and spray everyone you come into contact with directly in the face. This actually has multiple benefits:

1. 

   Don't you just want to rub that cuteness all over your face?

   Your child will no longer feel ostracized for being the stinking flesh bag that he is. Since, you know, everyone will now stink.

2. Skunks are pretty funny. They also have a huge cute factor. I want to play with one now. Except I don’t want to stink. That’s your problem. Not mine.
3. A concentrated shot to the face will deaden your sense of smell in no time, making it so you can’t discern any one person’s individual stench.
4. No real point here…I just like numbered lists and was sad to see this one was almost over.

I hope that I have been some help here in your time of need. If not, it’s ok. I will get over it pretty quickly.

Cheers!