Can I get pregnant from dry humping even when I’m on birth control and fully clothed?

My boyfriend and I do this thing where we dry hump while he’s wearing a condom so it’s an easy clean-up and so we don’t have to worry about the “pre.” I never take my pants off. However, the other day, the condom broke while at climax.. We cleaned it up immediately but I’m still worried I could somehow be pregnant. I am on birth control but I just want to see if anyone has an answer for my worries?

Geoff:

I’m really glad that you wrote in and asked us this question. It’s a shame that our sex ed classes in high school don’t address the specific situations that pop up in a young woman’s life. If we could have an open dialogue in our classrooms you would have known the risk immediately and known what to do.

Just thank god that you live in a world where you ask this type of question to the experts!

The fact of the matter is that you are probably pregnant. Yes, the pill has an effective kill rate of 99 percent to your boyfriend’s little army of clones. The problem is, they never tell you the actual numbers. Read on to have some facts lay on top of your mind and dry hump it.

The average population of sperm in one ejaculation is about 750 million. This is more than double the current total US population and should every one of these sperm find an egg you would have a very complicated pregnancy. As stated above, the pill is 99% effective. That means that about 8.5 million sperm survived to penetrate the clothes, make the climb up Mount Vagina and make camp under the stars of the Uterine sky.

That’s not all of the bad news. It’s a commonly known fact that clothing is a horrible pregnancy deterrent. My guess is that, as a best case scenario, 500,000 of the lazier sperm got distracted by the colorful fields of fabric on the way to the base of the mountain. They broke off, made camp and started a simpler life.

Sperm that aren’t going for the mountain can live up to thirty years, resist laundry detergents and, while getting stronger, can make a run at the mountain at any time. This is why it’s essential to burn anything the sperm could have made contact with.

Ok, so now you have 8 million sperm sitting under the Uterine sky waiting for nature to take its course. You should know the rest of what happens up there and I won’t bore you with the details, but basically you’re going to have a baby in 9 months. The odds are against you on this one.

If you ever have time to dry hump with a condom on while using birth control again, you should really consider a couple of key points that will prevent you from making a little baby until you are ready for him/her.

1)The most effective way to make sure nothing bad happens while engaging in activities like this is to dry hump from across the room. Do what you normally do, just do it from at least 15 feet apart. Please do not skimp on any of your birth control methods as they are still very important.

2)Once you are finished, he needs to encase himself up to his neck in a large trash bag or other plastic material immediately. You need to contain those little guys before they can get out. A small but powerful percentage of sperm can actually fly short distances so make sure this happens fast.

3)You must burn anything that he was in, on, near, around or even looked at, as it all could contain sperm sitting there biding their time. True birth control is expensive, be prepared for this.

4)Drink a lot of orange juice. This has nothing to do with your question, but it’s a good source of vitamin C and calcium, which is very important in a balanced diet.

With this advice, you’ll never have to panic like this again and you have the added health bonus of orange juice to help you through the first kid.

No need to thank me!

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