Dear Your Stupid Advice Peeps,

I work with this chick who ALWAYS turns a conversation into something about her hobby and I’m sick of it. She’s even tricked me into watching a 10 minute clip about it. IT’S NOT INTERESTING! How do I tell her that hearing about her dress up like it’s the 1600’s (or whatever century the Elizabethan era was in) and having some other geek “fight” for her isn’t as interesting as she thinks it is AND it’s not okay to talk to your average person about it because we DON’T CARE!

HELP ME before she convinces me to join.

-Fundrummerchick

Geoff:

I totally empathize with you on this one. There’s this guy who I work with who always interrupts our important team building exercise of gossiping about the person who just left the room. He always suggests we go talk to customers. Customers? Really???

Work is a place where we should be able to express our insecurities by criticizing everyone around us while doing as little actual work as possible. Having to stop because someone wants us to talk to stupid customers is stupid. So basically, I totally get the “having to listen to stuff you don’t want to” thing.

There’s no reason for you to be exposed to anyone else’s personal life at work. If you really gave a shit about her you would have asked her to go out for dinner months ago. Since you clearly have nothing in common with Ethel (that’s what I’ve named her in my head) you should not have to deal with her weird little hobbies.

So what do you do?

Sometimes when I’m cruising the seedy underbelly of the Internet, I come across some very strange things like flaming trapeze midget sex, unicorns doing things with that horn that no unicorn should do and Herman Cain. In the past, I have just accepted these very strange things and moved on, but now I know that they were brought to me to answer your question for you.

I have a one word answer for your situation:

Furries.

Ok, I guess I need to explain with more words.

You will become a passionate, panda suit wearing, sex bomb and you will be so full of joy with your new hobby that you can hardly contain yourself. Every time Ethel brings up her strange obsession with medieval garb, simply interrupt her and tell her about how you mounted Yogi Bear last night and gave him a pic-a-nic basket he’ll never forget.

Tell her about Bugs Bunny and where you put that carrot.

Tell her about how you choked out a Chocobo and hot waxed a wolverine.

Go into graphic, disturbing detail. Log on to her work computer and look up some videos. Make sure you are on her computer because you might get lucky and get her fired for looking up furry porn videos. Find the raunchiest one you can find and tell her that it’s you. Point excitedly at the screen and tell her how difficult the positions were to pull off.

Make.

Ethel.

Squirm.

Either she’ll quit from being disgusted, get fired for looking up porn on her computer, or never talk to you again. Either way it’s a win for you. I predict you’ll get a couple of mouthed thank yous from the rest of the staff as well because you are not the only one being annoyed by Ethel.

Advertisements

2 responses to “Dear Your Stupid Advice Peeps,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: