Ok, so I’m totally in love with my best friend.

he and I have known each-other for a long time and share everything. I’ve tried to talk to her about my feelings, but she tells me that she doesn’t feel that way about me. I think she’s not being honest about her feelings and I am looking for ideas on how to convince her to get with the program (so to speak) and realize that she does love me. I’ve got a couple ideas ranging from writing her a letter and explaining some things to her to trying to hire someone to do an intervention on her to just finding someone that can shake her until she changes her mind. Do you have some other thoughts or advice for me?

Wow, long question. Lots of words. You know I have a word budget, right? I can’t edit your question down because that’s dishonest. So, I hope I can get the whole answer in here, because I have a good one. It’s a plan full of surprise and wonder, and I know you’re going to land this woman, for sure.

We’ll get to the plan in a second. I’m still miffed about the number of words in your question. I counted. 131 words, making this the longest question we have ever answered on this site. That’s what we call a record here in California.

Based on the length of this question, writing a letter is not going to be part of the plan. I can only assume it would be the length of Lord of the Rings. Trust me, she won’t read it and you might even decide halfway through that she’s not worth all that work. We can’t have that.

Look, you just have to be honest with yourself. The best way to approach this situation is with 100% honesty. It’s all about what you think when you look yourself in the eye standing there in front of the mirror. You need to ask yourself the important question:

“Am I asking a question I want to know the answer to or am I just asking to take up all the Stupid Advice person’s words?”

There you will find the answer:

131 words is not a question, it’s a speech.

Now, for your answer: All you have to do is to go sh-


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